it is really crushing me now... i cant find the motivation to go on and push... just like after 3-4 months in med... man... it sucks to feel like this... after my previous encounter with obstacles... i realise that i am just medi-ocre... nobody really gives a shit to the weak... everyone is just wanting to do well themselves... it is the plain Darwinism here... at least that is what i feel... although i must say there is some good in the culture that... but perhaps this is the hard fact... too bad my intellect cant match up to them...

forgive me if i become more quiet... to add on to my quietness only... for i am really in solitude... there are people who care but dun understand me... but i know there is nth to do to help me... i have to face it myself.. as it has always been...

life in my family now is not of the best times.... and well... i just try to immunise my feelings and just do my own stuff... ( drown myself in work... oh or maybe it does work?)

i have stepped into a long and tedious journey... i initially had the wishful dream that all will be well for my life upon entering med sch... but it aint this way... there is still much to struggle... with others and mostly with myself... well done...

but i believe that this job is really worth slogging for.... i feel it is noble... and i will strive to get there... just that the process is always the painful factor...

i hope i can survive the next....

hmmm... after the previous encounter... need to push harder le... but things are just getting harder and harder... so many things to study... very overwhelming!!!

haiz... really not easy to revise for med exams at all...

Guyton (the super big physiology textbook) is really KILLING me

wow.... it has been 4 yrs honey... recalling the times we went through these years... i suddenly felt that we really share a common destiny... as being together for 4 yrs is really not easy... we have surely been through a fair share of hardships.... and definitely there are times that we will savour... but the main point is going thru them together... as you said honey... it is all part of growing up...

i want to thank you for standing by my side all this while... being there for me at the darkest hours... i owe you for all that i have today... i vividly remember the effort you put in to always cheer me up whenever i feel down... which always happen most of the time... i suddenly feel guilty that i have neglected you sometimes for selfish reasons... which is definitely not the best way to reciprocate whatever you have done for me... please pardon me when i am a little touchy at times... please forgive me when i didn come over to accompany you when u need me... like during the time of a thunderstorm... sorry for leaving u stranded on the computer when i accidentally dozed off...

nevertheless... i will vividly remember yesterday's early celebration of our 4th year... the fact that we enjoyed yesterday is evidence of our strong feelings... which i hope that it will last long...
you are the only one special to me in this world...

Happy 4th anniversay...
Love...

hmmm... it was a mental struggle... i know i had to keep on S*******... but i just cant for that while after reality... i wanted to sleep it off... and so i did...
waking up in the morning is the most toughest.... to be brought back to reality and realise that i have to face it again... it hurts... my confidence... any form of hope is...

i have to tell myself to convert this into a motive force... it aint easy... really...

the higher u go, the harder u fall. the night is darkest just before the dawn... only to realise that the night is coming soon again

hmmm... stulser isn too good this time... guess i have to work harder... belong to lower half

well... work has kept me from blogging.. but seriously... i dun realli like blogging... well i am feeling a bit lost today... so i tot perhaps blogging will help to alleviate my suffering... picking up from where i left off previously... yeah... A's are over... mentioned that it was very very fortunate for me to get in... yeah... Very true... compared to the high flyers that populate the entire med fac... yeah... i am just a nobody....

Many things have changed... my life has also started to change... this year is definitely a roller-coaster ride for me... I began to work in a hospital... i went to teach in a tuition centre... then went on to teach in my alma mater in a short stint... then shaved my bloody head bald in the army... seen my bunkmates bullied ( one even beaten) by ang gong fuckers...yes they are scum!... praying hard to get out of army soon... which eventually i did... went thru applications to uni... interviews... portfolios... trying to impress... all this dog-eat-dog stuff...i seriously dislike!... then getting into med... which wasn the best experience that i had...

it was sort of reality check... and it was harsh... really harsh...

at least i learnt more bout myself... guess i m too reserved... which may compromise my everyday life in the new environment.... hmmm... well... maybe i will console myself to just stay happy as much as i can... dun wish for the unwishable.... but cherish what i have with me now...

Life has changed for my friends... the ones that i have no regrets being with in my whole life... Darren, Di Hui, Sebast, Xin An... they entered NS except for dihui.. and so that resulted in less contact... dihui is busy with his uni in NTU... Huimin has found her partner... and so i m the only guy in left... of course there is still Angeline... my beloved... whom i really want to thk her for standing by me all this time...during the darkest times... maybe that is what life is about... with friends...

but... cant really say the same for now in my new env... maybe time will change things... but just maybe thought that... not to trust the hope...

studying is real bad... trying to keep up all the time... but it just snowballs...

shld have cherished my friends more last time...

life in my family has kinda been a little uncomfortable... recently...

well... standing at the edge of the cliff... all i need ( not need ) is a little push